The Tihar Connection

This post has been selected for Saturday Spicy Posts for Blog Adda too.



After months of running after companies, I am yet to get a job. I do not know if it is my resume or my face but something about me definitely puts HR off (I like to believe it is my resume). It almost feels like the 1970’s movie whereby I keep going from office to office with my resume in hand and gets rejected everywhere I go.

I have almost hit the rock bottom and it felt like I will be in the bottomless pit for some time to come. All these years of education have made me good for nothing like the saying goes 'I was born intelligent but education ruined me'. I was frustrated, tired and desperate. I felt like things cannot go any worse and in desperation I took a very bold move. Desperate times call for desperate measures and in sync with this philosophy I added another bullet point in my resume.

• Served two months sentence in Tihar Jail.



And what do you know, I was hot property(I almost came back from dead), the moment I put Tihar in my resume. The next couple of interviews involved questions not from my engineering and management degree but the focus was on Tihar. Here is an excerpt.

HR – What were you in for?

Me- (I can see she was very curious) Nothing serious was just involved in a break in.

HR- Impressive!!Break in is a good start. So tell me how was the experience and about the facilities? (she was looking at me in such a way as if I would be somehow different having gone to jail once.)

Me- Well the facilities can depend on number of factors such as who you were outside the jail? The connections that you have and the connections that you can make.

HR- How would you rate your experience?

Me- Great actually. Learned more there in two months than the 20 years of pointless education.(And it is so true)

HR- Please elaborate.

Me- Well I learned about how to get by and who to contact in jail, endearing myself to seniors (basically boot licking), and other survival strategies the kind you see in ‘LOST’.

HR- Do you know anyone currently working there? Basically have you remain in contact with them?

Me- Yes, know quite a lot of them. I am friends with most of them. Frankly speaking, they are better than most people out here.(At which point she was shocked.) I hastily added 'No offence meant to anyone.'

HR- So one last question, do you have any problem in case you are relocated to Tihar jail.

Me- (Going to Tihar is a great opportunity, something which I would not pass for anything after all the top honchos have been there, the great politicians have been there. Seems like a great place to start) Well Mam I would be more than willing to relocate.

HR- That’s very good news. You can join from tomorrow, we have tonnes to do and I can use your help now.

Me- (Thats the first job offer ever made to me..Yay mu first job and that too in Tihar.)Great!! Mam what would be my job profile like?

HR- See JaaliEngineer honestly speaking we have selected you for our leadership profile. You know that’s the best we offer, but your job would be little different.

Me- Different how? (I was all set to go knee deep in the job and wanted to know the in and out of it)

HR- You would be required to conduct weekend workshop on ‘Survival in Tihar’ for our Top Managers and CXO’s and you have to use your contacts to get better facilities for our people in case they land up in Tihar.

Me- Why would they? And are not the facilities better there what with the who’s who inside?

HR- Yes it is but now it is more of an ego thing, our MD wants our people to have the best among all of them, that would be an added advantage in case our MD goes in too and we would need an inside man. You will be directly reporting to our MD, that’s one of the perks. Also next time we go for campus recruitment we can brag that we have Tihar Alumnus working among us. Going forward,surviving in jail and helping employee counsel during the jail term is going to be a major HR challenge. Meanwhile get ready because you will have a long day ahead.

To which i intended to say 'I was born ready' but decided against it.

I was exalted with my job, finally something that I did, be it the break in, paid dividends for me. I was jumping with joy for now i will get the chance to meet people who have been the MD's of the biggest corporations and I will also meet the politicians who if used effectively might help me during thr 4G.

Brace for me Tihar, here I come.

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Daily Dose of Entertainment

After the legislative and the executive arm of the democratic society have gone to the dogs and that too literally, the next to fall is media. I still have some respect for Judiciary (the long winding process that it takes notwithstanding I believe it is still not as corrupt to be completely dysfunctional). Some would contest that Media has fallen from the grace long before and I am not debating that but now they make no bones about being in entertainment industry. So newspapers are providing me my daily dose of entertainment.

Of course I could switch to Hindu but it is not as visually appealing and it borders on utter boredom. So with my daily need of visually appealing news I am perfect audience of newspapers which write more about page 3 than the news.

Being a regular reader, I know very well that Liz Hurly is in India and coying with Warnie.



In fact I know the entire history whereby she first got hitched with Arun Nayar and then broke up with him to be with Warnie, Warnie was double timing her and so she went back to Arun and so forth, she went like a shuttle. (That’s too much info. Guess I really need a hobby.)

Similar is the love story between Anna Hazare and Sonia Gandhi, one day Hazare would fire away a letter and not an email but letter to Soniaji complaining that she indulges in smear politics and a week after that she would reply that she is not involved in any such activity. The whole exercise is in futility for Anna should know by now that politicians would deny just about everything let alone charges of indulging in smear politics. It may very well be my twisted mind but I think there is much more written in those letters, not meant for the delicate eyes of the Mango man.

No talk of entertainment is complete without a mention of Charlie Sheen. I must admit that I am a big fan of Charlie Sheen and why should I not be. The man lives a charmed life, booze, girls and money what else can one ask for.

Respectability?

What!

Never heard of any such thing.



After entertaining us by his gig in Two and Half Men and after being thrown out of the show, he shoots off his mouth in whichever direction. The new shot being Obama’s birth certificate is fake. Got to love this man, who writes his script? While he is at his insanity best he might as well say that Obama is virgin born, that would ruffle some feathers..

The best however is a Malaysian camp whose sole aim is to prevent the ‘effeminate boys’ from becoming gay. The boys are being exposed to a new way of life in this camp. I just wonder what goes on in those camps. Last heard they are inviting ‘Baba Ramdev’ for a series of guest lectures and workshops because he claims to have ‘cure ’ for homosexuality. I say ‘Ramdev’ must accept the offer because frankly his move into politics is nothing but a ridicule of sorts and so at least in this new avatar he will do what he does best, ‘pranayams’.

It is all a good means of entertainment and as long as newspapers are supplying it Who need news, nothing worthwhile happens anyway, the ‘news’ is definitely a better dose. Looking forward to tomorrow’s edition.

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GOD SHOULD BE IN A B SCHOOL

I was so confused today early morning. I was feeling lazy and wanted to sleep more but at the same time I was hungry, hungry enough to have my sleep distracted. I could have probably eaten something but that would entail brushing teeth and going downstairs to have breakfast. Brushing teeth I could have forgo but there was no way to have food without going downstairs.
It was then the idea hit me, God with all his knowledge and power is inefficient for sure. For he could have easily do away with food and make us solar powered. All it would have taken was a wave of magic wand. This would have save time, the precious time that we spent on having food and the time spent on working to get that too. It would also have meant no death due to starvation and people would not have to toil for bare survival. Their time could have been directed towards education, innovation, literature and the best of all sleep.


Of course critics of this theory often points out that there would been have no life in Siberia then. Firstly, who would want to live in Siberia and secondly are not there inhospitable terrains in the world right now?
Just think of the advancements that we would have made in the field of science, literature. Not only that there would have no deaths due to cholesterol blocked arteries, diabetes etc.
When I have already mentioned about inefficiency in the design system of God, I might also point out the flaws in his branding too. God if you are reading pay attention for this is very important.
When it started out, God was portrayed as all merciful, kind, forgiving to its followers and tolerant of other people religious beliefs. This made it possible for people of different faiths to co exist. Humans were thought of as created in the image of the maker.


Lately however the branding campaign of God has been hijacked and it has hit rock bottom to say the least. When once the icons of God was the learned Gurus. Prophet or Son of god, the post has been usurped by Al Qaeda and the self proclaimed moral police trying to uplift and remove the decadent practices that has taken hold of mere mortals.



So Lord the all merciful will banish you from his Kingdom and leave you to rot in hell if you do not follow His Law.

Now, Lord the picture of tolerance is having hard time accepting that two consenting adults hold hands in public and celebrate Valentine’s Day and girls much to his chagrin wear jeans.


God the Creator of Life now proclaims “Death to Infidels” from the roof tops and force kids to carry AK- 47.
A simple and naïve follower like me is confused, which is the true identity of God.
Which God I put my faith into, The inefficient and merciful God or the inefficient, hateful and vengeful God.
I think it is time that God take stocks of all things happening in his name and may be learn something about operations and marketing while he is at it. As for me I better get up before my head burst with further crazy ideas.

My Engineering/MBA Class

A classroom resembles more of society than may be apparent at first. There are like in the civil society, the upper class, the middle class and the lower class.
A Class can be similarly divided into haves and haves not with a large number thrown in between the two. There are ofcourse outliers too but they are few and far in between.

Ambanis and Mittals of our class are people who have always had more than 90% throughout be it nursery, matric, high school, undergraduate or post graduate. Anything less than 90% and they will scorn like they have broken one of the Ten Commandments. It almost seems like they were born with a purpose and that divine purpose was to mug and mug so bad that no question in the paper would be left unanswered.




It is very easy to locate these Ambanis, they would always sit in the front row and take notes like their life depended on writing every syllable that comes out of the prof as if they were divine revealation. They could be seen tailing the professors when prof’s left the class.

Then there is the Aam Aadmi (Mango Man). This part of the society gives meaning to the upper class and is something that lower class people aspire to be. They can be spotted occupying from third row to anywhere upto the last row depending on when they entered the class.



They are the ones who will download ppt’s , get the notes Xeroxed on the night before the exams/minors as the case may be. This section actually determines the quality of the profs. For if the prof is any good some of them might actually listen to the prof else they will just turn their deaf ear to the prof, read ET, novel or the best of all sleep.

Then there is the lower class ot the BPL class. They may be the most misunderstood section of the society.
They are the ones most prone to spring a surprise. They are hard to spot in class for they are never present in the class. At the end of the semester, they are running after prof’s to get their attendance completed or have a medical certificate in hand. They generally come to know of the syllabus during the course of appearing exams.

Finally there are outliers. They are the hardest to classify for they elude any set description. Some may top the subject even though they never attended any class (or may be because of it). Some of them will line up to get their medical certificate when they should be appearing exam. Nothing concrete is however known about them.



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