Friday, April 29, 2011

The Tihar Connection

This post has been selected for Saturday Spicy Posts for Blog Adda too.

After months of running after companies, I am yet to get a job. I do not know if it is my resume or my face but something about me definitely puts HR off (I like to believe it is my resume). It almost feels like the 1970’s movie whereby I keep going from office to office with my resume in hand and gets rejected everywhere I go.

I have almost hit the rock bottom and it felt like I will be in the bottomless pit for some time to come. All these years of education have made me good for nothing like the saying goes 'I was born intelligent but education ruined me'. I was frustrated, tired and desperate. I felt like things cannot go any worse and in desperation I took a very bold move. Desperate times call for desperate measures and in sync with this philosophy I added another bullet point in my resume.

• Served two months sentence in Tihar Jail.

And what do you know, I was hot property(I almost came back from dead), the moment I put Tihar in my resume. The next couple of interviews involved questions not from my engineering and management degree but the focus was on Tihar. Here is an excerpt.

HR – What were you in for?

Me- (I can see she was very curious) Nothing serious was just involved in a break in.

HR- Impressive!!Break in is a good start. So tell me how was the experience and about the facilities? (she was looking at me in such a way as if I would be somehow different having gone to jail once.)

Me- Well the facilities can depend on number of factors such as who you were outside the jail? The connections that you have and the connections that you can make.

HR- How would you rate your experience?

Me- Great actually. Learned more there in two months than the 20 years of pointless education.(And it is so true)

HR- Please elaborate.

Me- Well I learned about how to get by and who to contact in jail, endearing myself to seniors (basically boot licking), and other survival strategies the kind you see in ‘LOST’.

HR- Do you know anyone currently working there? Basically have you remain in contact with them?

Me- Yes, know quite a lot of them. I am friends with most of them. Frankly speaking, they are better than most people out here.(At which point she was shocked.) I hastily added 'No offence meant to anyone.'

HR- So one last question, do you have any problem in case you are relocated to Tihar jail.

Me- (Going to Tihar is a great opportunity, something which I would not pass for anything after all the top honchos have been there, the great politicians have been there. Seems like a great place to start) Well Mam I would be more than willing to relocate.

HR- That’s very good news. You can join from tomorrow, we have tonnes to do and I can use your help now.

Me- (Thats the first job offer ever made to me..Yay mu first job and that too in Tihar.)Great!! Mam what would be my job profile like?

HR- See JaaliEngineer honestly speaking we have selected you for our leadership profile. You know that’s the best we offer, but your job would be little different.

Me- Different how? (I was all set to go knee deep in the job and wanted to know the in and out of it)

HR- You would be required to conduct weekend workshop on ‘Survival in Tihar’ for our Top Managers and CXO’s and you have to use your contacts to get better facilities for our people in case they land up in Tihar.

Me- Why would they? And are not the facilities better there what with the who’s who inside?

HR- Yes it is but now it is more of an ego thing, our MD wants our people to have the best among all of them, that would be an added advantage in case our MD goes in too and we would need an inside man. You will be directly reporting to our MD, that’s one of the perks. Also next time we go for campus recruitment we can brag that we have Tihar Alumnus working among us. Going forward,surviving in jail and helping employee counsel during the jail term is going to be a major HR challenge. Meanwhile get ready because you will have a long day ahead.

To which i intended to say 'I was born ready' but decided against it.

I was exalted with my job, finally something that I did, be it the break in, paid dividends for me. I was jumping with joy for now i will get the chance to meet people who have been the MD's of the biggest corporations and I will also meet the politicians who if used effectively might help me during thr 4G.

Brace for me Tihar, here I come.

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  1. gr8...maybe you can call yourself "Jail engineer" now!

  2. Lol....4G...futuristic scam plans...
    Dont disturb Kani and Raja...

  3. oh. wow. very deeply disturbing.
    but you seem to revel in the radical - the weirder the better, huh?

    this is very well-written.
    it's funny, it's weird, and it makes fun of nearly everything we have encountered so far in B-School - the placements, the companies, the profiles, the resumes, the people.

    keep up the humour,
    for the better and the verse.

  4. @Uma- funny..hope the name does not catch up
    @Alka- Well common man has to plan for the future:)

    @Sarthak- i hope i keep delivering the humour..keep coming back for more

  5. LMAO.....I just loved it...

    And one has better job opportunities in Tihar..You hobnob with Politicos and corporate honchos and what's more they even have on-campus interviews.

  6. lol dats a very well put satire. n sooo sooo apt in today's time n age. tihari's r d real respected icons.... v ordinary mortals who abide by law r jus peanuts eatin up real estate n adding to traffic on roads

  7. @Purba- It is true they have good placement cell..
    @Sadiya- Why so caustic for Mango man. v may not be movers and shakers but it is not that bad:)

  8. aweosme wrk yaar, wot n idea sirjee...jhakkas 3G effect..impressv