Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Adversity Called Exams

The one memory that has always remained with me of the school days and beyond has been the exam times. I have,like a good student,always hated nah despised the exams and the name itself was enough to put a frown on my face and still does.

But of late my hatred has subsided and in fact I have began increasingly liking the exams, well not the exams so much as the exams time. The first time the realization dawned on me, I was embarrassed and petrified. This should be mistake I thought. Why me God? I complained. What would my friends say? Have I lost the mental balance finally?How will I ever show my face to student community?

After a long period of soul searching and trying to find to find a reason for my erratic behaviour I have come to certain conclusions. This is not to be misconstrued as signs of insanity and under no circumstances as signs of emotional maturity but there are certain plausible reasons to why I have warmed to exam times.So before the student community ostracizes me and disowns me let me present my case.

The following are the reasons:

-Ideas flow thick and fast during exam times, it is almost like the mind is working on the overdrive and it focuses on everything but on the task at hand. Who can blame the brain, the task at hand are thick and heavy books which probably were used to crush skulls in the medieval times. Needless to say, some of the best ideas have come to me during the exams.

-Since the exams are so dreadfully dull, everything else seems to be more exciting. I found Golmaal 2 hilarious and dare I say slightly logical including the climax of the movie just because the alternative was so bad.

-We often descend into fits of laughter for no apparent reason other than the fact that we are getting screwed tomorrow. The fits of laughter could be unprovoked and have lasted as long as half an hour.

-The breaks that we take between study sessions extend from 5 minutes to well beyond 5 minutes and this is the time when we talk about politics, girls, literature, movies and everything else under the sun. Politics being politics and everyone being an expert (including me that is), we end up solving country's all problem and that includes poverty, starvation and unemployment too. Also imagine five men trying to figure out the deal with women, we never made any progress till date. We had better chance of cracking Bermuda Triangle's mystery.

-A major chunk of time is spent to discuss how the 'World Class Professors' could have taught us better. Never minding the fact that we should try listening for a change.

-A word about sleep, ordinarily you may sleep around 5/6 hours and yet sustain but in exams you need 8 hours minimum and thats the best sleep you are ever going to get.So if nothing else appreciate the exams for it acts like a sleeping pill.

-If you are someone like me, then you have completed only half of the syllabus. So in the exam, I am waiting to see the paper with all my senses heightened, it is similar to having sex blindfolded(not that I will know what that feels like but have read enough).

-In case the paper screws us, I would look stupidly at my friend who in turn would be grinning from ear to ear knowing fully well that we have been severely screwed and that we have to study this subject better for the next minors or majors as the case may be.

-In the intervening two hours, my neck would crane at impossible angles just to have a look at what the other chap is writing. In case the teacher warns me I would defiantly say “he does not know anything either” and try to look at his paper again just in case:).

-After every exam we make a promise, from next semester we are going to be regular and like true Indian Politicians we have never kept our words.

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Of World Class and Shakers

After the recent attacks on the Pakistan's naval base the debate is back on in the international and the national media whether Pakistan can really secure their nuclear assets. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is busy giving advice to Pakistan how to go about it but I decided not to jump the bandwagon. The reason is simple, I am not an expert on he issue and I have already advised them on what not to do in my previous post.

This post is more about our swashbuckling Environment Minister who tends to court one controversy after another. Not that I am complaining, I am instead planning to ask him if I can write his biography. I have already planned for it and it will be written in three volumes. The first will be called 'The man who kicked Posco's Ass', the second will be called 'The man who redefined WORLD CLASS' and the third's title is still to be decided for I feel he will kick hornet's nest sooner rather than later. And as soon as that happens the third volume's title will be a no brainer.

Though the issue of World Class may have been hijacked now by the politicians and the debate on it went on it like it does on every other topic in India. Congress people call BJP people third class and not qualified to talk on it (as if they are first class themselves!!) while BJP demanded for World Class Ministers from Congress(like BJP have produced World Class Leaders!!). While the political parties who were vying for the limelight stole the debate, the real voices that of teachers and students that should be heard is lost in the clatter. Read more

Seriously is it just me or you also feel that politicians just do not debate anymore but they bitch about each other like they are in some saas bahu serial. I blame Ekta Kapoor for the rot and demand that she be imprisoned or at least her shows are banned(no reason I just have personal vendetta against her)

While the politicians were busy redefining World Class, Pakistan yet again matched India. Remember how Pakistan plays catch up with India. India wins the World Cup in '83 they do it in '92. India tests the Nuclear bomb they do it too. This time when India sent them the 'Most Wanted Lists' with many of the most wanted fugitives sitting comfortably in India or dead, they gave a fitting reply. They have named Sania Mirza as among the top women personalities of Pakistan though she is still an Indian citizen and lives in Dubai. What the heck, if India can claim that Most wanted terrorist live in Pakistan while he was in Thane they can certainly lay claim on Sania Mirza. Eye for an eye.:)

While so much is going on I read that Ramesh Sahab is batting for elephants in 'Elephants 8'. Have i found the title to my third volume already.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Abbotabad, Osama and lessons for Pakistan.

An age old and true saying goes “As you sow so shall you reap”, something which have been taught to us in schools and something which we are expected to remember.

But people have short memory not like 'Memento' short term but short term enough to forget the lesson in the later stages of life. History is a potent teacher but who reads history anyway? It is about dates and of bygone era who nobody cares about,least of all politicians and not just in India but World over.

A case in point is the recent attack on the Mehran Naval Base in Pakistan. The Pakistan franchise of Taliban attacked and destroyed about one third of their maritime capability. Funny, for the P3-C's were never meant for terrorism but were acquired to blunt India's naval edge over Pakistan. Having done that,now the Pakistan Taliban will be hoping that Osama is reading news in heaven and not participating in an orgy and drunk out of his wits,for the attack was to revenge the martyr,whose martyrdom by the way would be used for further recruits.

The military leadership of Pakistan comprises of smart people and smart people are known to do dumb things. What, don't believe me, the recession, Satyam , Enron and the list goes on and on. The Pakistani leadership in the smart move cultivated strategic assets (not the silicone kind) but dangerous looking, trigger happy assets which have come back to bite at their ass and by the looks of it they are biting huge chunks of it. They would have done better if they just saw around the world that strategic assets never really remain just that.

They did not have to see far for they could have learned from their ever friendly neighbour India (friendly despite Kargil, Parliament Attacks, Mumbai attacks, pardon me if I have forgotten some more but there are so many of it now). Remember the nurturing of Khalistan rebels by Indira Gandhi as a strategic asset and how did it end up? Assassination of Indira Gandhi, decades of insurgency in Punjab and thousands of deaths later, the status quo achieved. The status quo being no Greater Punjab and no separate Sikh state.

The same was the case with LTTE. The Indian Peace Keeping Force had to bite dust, the Indian Government's dream of being a regional power shattered and it resulted in the assassination of another of our Prime Minister.

But why would Pakistan learn anything from India, we are the sworn enemy, the arch rival, the cause for every one of their problems. Well it's fine, dont learn from us, learn from your biggest donor. Ask Uncle Sam, they ought to know a thing or two about cultivating strategic assets for they were the one who encouraged Osama to take on Soviet Union. And how did that end for Uncle Sam, 9/11 and a decade of war against terrorism during the course of which they befriended and supplied military aid to the epicentre of terrorism.

But may be the Pak military does not need to hear it from their donor too for they must have heard the account first hand from Osama during his stay in Abbotabad. What? You think the military was unawares of his presence? I think, the military sat with Osama, laughed about how they are fleecing America and the World and how they are the smartest until one day of course they were paid a visit by SEAL's.

Sooner or later the strategic assets created to disturb the neighbouring country comes back to bite your ass and they do it really bad. So there may still be time for Pakistan to stop considering Taliban as their strategic asset in Afghanistan for going by this rate, there may not be a Pakistan in the future.

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Friday, May 20, 2011

Of Sleepless Nights and Random Thoughts

It has been three nights in a row, no sleep, no rest and no peace whatsoever. It is not heat, nor it is love but it is the constant buzzing, mind numbing, the most irritating sound being played in my ears. Damn you mosquitoes, please let me have a good night of sleep.

I know I should be using the mortein coil or the mortein liquidator but believe me i have tried every possible thing. I tried using mortein liquid the first night but it did not work, then in the middle of the night i woke up to use the coil too,certain that with the joint attack of the coil and the liquidator, mosquitoes wont stand a chance. But they are mutants, evolved into some new creature and not affected by the mortein. So next day, rather night I devised an even better strategy, I used the mortein coil and the all out liquidator certain that the cock tail would definitely be effective, on the contrary they attacked with renewed vigour.

A man can only take so much and so I ran away from the room gasping and breathing hard, the second night was gone too but it was only 2 in the night and I have another 4 minimum hours to spend. What could I do? Ever spent two sleepless nights, it can drive you crazy.

One after another crazy thoughts kept entering my mind. Can I do something like Parshuram did, that is pick up my axe and go after all the kshatriyas. Can I pick up an electrified badminton racket and go after all the mosquitoes? Only the thought that they play an important part in the ecosystem saved them that night or else I was gonna do a Parshuram on the mosquitoes.

Another thought that entered my mind was, can I become a superhero kind ala spiderman due to mosquito bites. Are these mosquitoes by any chance radioactive? And if yes what would my powers be?

Would I be buzzing endlessly in the ears of criminals till they surrender or kill themselves? Or I can bite them but somehow i was not comfortable with the idea of biting filthy, dirty criminals. If the criminal is a drop dead gorgeous female then may be nah i will definitely change my style and bite her, does that make me a sexist superhero? A superhero that bites the females and irritates the male criminal does not really sound like the description of a hero nonetheless I am free to choose my style of attack.

I was well on my way to design a costume for myself but the fact that i have never been any good at designing stopped me from going for the pencil and paper and the last vestiges of sanity that remained prevented me from making a call to my friend who is good with designing to design my costume. Well that and the fact that my secret will then not be a secret anymore. What kind of superhero takes help in designing a costume for himself. While i was lost in thinking all these, somehow the morning dawned and i was beside myself with pleasure.

(A note to myself) No more superhero movies for me and definitely no Justice League and Batman animations, I am losing track of reality.

Finally the last night. This time I stared the mosquito right into his eyes for I was prepared. I took out an Odomos cream, applied generously all over myself, put a mortein coil and an all out coil and a liquidator. If the mosquitoes still manage to get to me, I am suing all these companies. I dont know which one worked but I was victorious today. I have conquered my foe. Besides getting a good night sleep, there were other perks too.

Since I have been sleeping with mortein, odomos and all out, i smell like them too. All the Wild Stone (which by the way is a complete lie, no female drooled over me:() of the world cannot take that smell away from you and today when i boarded the congested bus to report to my office, people made way for me. Talk about being feeling Royal.

And with the key to defeat mosquitoes, I can definitely quote Black Eyed Peas, “Tonight's gonna be a good night”.

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Another First for Mayawati

Its been long since I last posted something on my blog. So i might as well start by making a confession that has been gnawing me for a long time. I have been a big fan of Mayawati, always was and always will be. There I said it and it took lot of courage. She may not be favourite of the English press or the English speaking population of India but there is something different about her.

She is the one who social engineered the whole of UP and got votes from both the Dalits and Brahmins. Who has been able to ever achieve that in India? Not only that, she may be the only Indian Politician to have a taste in monuments and animals, hence the construction of elephants all over Lucknow. Now she may have splurged the tax payers money but that's a trivial matter, who does not? Ask Kalmadi, tax payer's money is to be wasted one way or the other. It either goes in the offshore bank account of politicians or in satisfying your megalomania schemes. At least she is making elephants out of it.

But these are all history, the latest that she has managed is historical, to say the least. She has managed to make Rahul Gandhi ashamed of being an Indian. In fact she managed to get a confession out of Amul Baby that he is ashamed of being an Indian after the way he saw how UP is ruled.

To put Rahul Gandhi to shame is no easy task. He does not get ashamed easily. He is not ashamed of the fact that his grandmother almost razed Golden Temple to the ground or of the fact that his grandmother was the one who gave the deadliest blow to Indian Democracy by declaring an emergency and unleashing Sanjay Gandhi on unsuspecting masses. But then it was quite long and he may have forgotten about it. However even the present misdoings of the government do not affect him.

He is not ashamed of the corruption and the resulting bad press that India got after the CWG. Of course it was under the purview of Organising Committee but what the heck there is Kalmadi to take the fall.

He is not ashamed of the 2G scandal whereby the coalition partner so efficiently managed to steal thousands of crores of exchequerer's money. No effort was made to nab the culprit instead one of his lieutenants went on to say that 2G scam was public service and hence there is no question of loss to exchequerer. This was one hell of a neat trick.

He is not even ashamed of ISRO scam which was directly under the purview of Prime Ministers Office (PMO). Well of course the PM was caught unawares because he was kow towing to 10 Janpath all the time, he had no time for his prime ministerial duties.

He is not ashamed of coalition with Left Parties whose reign of terror in WB left it shattered and on the brink of oblivion.

He is not ashamed of the cash for votes scandal when the Left withdrew its support and Congress went begging to Samajwadi Party and later ditched it. After all this it still claims to be a party with an ideology.

But Behenji is in a different league altogether. She has managed to rile up the farmers, got Amul Baby to make another of his famous visits to farmer's house for dinner and in another series of firsts have managed to put Amul Baby to shame. That if nothing else deserves a round of applause, so what if the farmers will still lose their land. This is what farmers are for, to be a pawn in the political games of high and mighty.

This round may go to Amul Baby but I am happy with the knowledge that the heir apparent can be ashamed and can still feel the pain of common people though only in the states not ruled by Congress.

Just to make my point, here is another person who shares my view point
Rahul Baba